Alrighty, let’s start this series of interviews off with a bang. Or rather, a zebra.
Angie Mansfield is a writer, humourist, and creator of the faux news site, The Zebra Rag. She also writes for An Army Of Ermas, and has a blog entitled The Wandering Zebra. As well as all that, she has been known to roam the prairies with her herd, chewing on plant life, and [insert other zebra humour here].
Here we go!
Zebra! You’re a zebra! How did that happen? Also, tell us about The Zebra Rag
Angie - Well, you see, when a mommy zebra loves a daddy zebra very much...wait. No. Hm. Okay, here's what really happened: I started hanging around this goofy writer's site, and someone sent me a picture of a zebra on a motorcycle. I immediately snatched it as my avatar, which made me instantly famous on the site, and before you could say "Shazam!"**, I was known far and wide as The Zebra.
The Zebra Rag started as a place to store some of my insanity in the form of fake news stories -- sort of like The Onion, only I thought of it first! I just didn't...you know...*do* it first. Heh, "do it". Heh, heh...
**Not that you'd ever say, "Shazam!" I mean, who says, "Shazam!" anymore? No one, that's who. Except me, just now, but that was for illustrative purposes only. Also: "SHAZAM!!!"
Angie - What is this Twitter of which you speak?
Srsly, I'm hardly ever on there. When I am, it's usually to make some silly comment in reply to someone else, and then disappear again. Because that's how I roll, baby.
Did you know that the scientific name for a llama is Lama Glama?
Angie - You're making that up. That is far too silly to be...*looks it up*...Yes, I knew that. Of course I knew that. Anyone who's smart at *all* knows that. Incidentally, "Lama Glama" would be a great name for a rock band. Their logo could be a llama with blinged-out sunglasses in the shape of stars. That's my idea, don't steal it.
Describe your ideal writing retreat.
Angie - Well, first we'd be surrounded, with the keyboards closing in on us. We'd have lost Doug long ago - poor guy, first real action he's seen and now this - and things would be looking bleak. We swore we'd never give up, never surrender, but we're outnumbered three to one and there's nothing noble about this man's war. We've got one chance to survive, and that's to retreat, so we grab Doug's letter to his sweetheart so we can give it to her when we get out of this mess, and...
Wait. I think perhaps I mistook the meaning of your question...
Do you use beta readers for your writing/articles?
Angie - No, but I should. I really, really should. I mean, look at that writing retreat answer up there. Where the hell did that come from? That, my friend, is what happens when I'm left to my own devices. I mean, what does that even mean, up there? Excuse me, I need a lie-down.
Where do you get your best ideas?
Angie - From my smokin' ta-tas. Genius idea generators, they are.
What’s your favourite smell?
Angie - A cross between a veterinary clinic and an ink-jet cartridge. With strawberry undertones and a nice mocha finish.
How's my hair?
Angie - Fahbulous, dahlink. But it could use more stripes.
Who would win in a fight between a giraffe with an uzi, and a llama with three legs and a super soaker full of Pan-galactic Gargle Blaster? Show your workings.
Angie - 42. Because that's the number of rounds in the Gatling gun owned by the maniacal bunny hell-bent on dusting both these fools, yo.
Which would you rather have - an apple shaped like a banana, or 57 oranges carefully arranged in a pyramid?
Angie - The humpback whale, by a nose. But he cheated.
Pick a number from one to fifty.
Angie - 3.14159. Dutch-apple. With ice cream.
Like I said, I thought I'd start with a nut.
Hmm? Oh, zebra. Not nut. My bad.