Friday, 22 July 2011

Interview - Angie Mansfield

Alrighty, let’s start this series of interviews off with a bang. Or rather, a zebra.

Angie Mansfield is a writer, humourist, and creator of the faux news site, The Zebra Rag. She also writes for An Army Of Ermas, and has a blog entitled The Wandering Zebra. As well as all that, she has been known to roam the prairies with her herd, chewing on plant life, and [insert other zebra humour here].

Here we go! 

Serious(ish) Questions:


Zebra! You’re a zebra! How did that happen? Also, tell us about The Zebra Rag

Angie - Well, you see, when a mommy zebra loves a daddy zebra very much...wait. No. Hm. Okay, here's what really happened: I started hanging around this goofy writer's site, and someone sent me a picture of a zebra on a motorcycle. I immediately snatched it as my avatar, which made me instantly famous on the site, and before you could say "Shazam!"**, I was known far and wide as The Zebra.

The Zebra Rag started as a place to store some of my insanity in the form of fake news stories -- sort of like The Onion, only I thought of it first! I just didn't...you know...*do* it first. Heh, "do it". Heh, heh...

**Not that you'd ever say, "Shazam!" I mean, who says, "Shazam!" anymore? No one, that's who. Except me, just now, but that was for illustrative purposes only. Also: "SHAZAM!!!"


Twitter, eh?

Angie - What is this Twitter of which you speak?
Srsly, I'm hardly ever on there. When I am, it's usually to make some silly comment in reply to someone else, and then disappear again. Because that's how I roll, baby.


Did you know that the scientific name for a llama is Lama Glama?

Angie - You're making that up. That is far too silly to be...*looks it up*...Yes, I knew that. Of course I knew that. Anyone who's smart at *all* knows that. Incidentally, "Lama Glama" would be a great name for a rock band. Their logo could be a llama with blinged-out sunglasses in the shape of stars. That's my idea, don't steal it.


Describe your ideal writing retreat.

Angie - Well, first we'd be surrounded, with the keyboards closing in on us. We'd have lost Doug long ago - poor guy, first real action he's seen and now this - and things would be looking bleak. We swore we'd never give up, never surrender, but we're outnumbered three to one and there's nothing noble about this man's war. We've got one chance to survive, and that's to retreat, so we grab Doug's letter to his sweetheart so we can give it to her when we get out of this mess, and...

Wait. I think perhaps I mistook the meaning of your question...


Do you use beta readers for your writing/articles?

Angie - No, but I should. I really, really should. I mean, look at that writing retreat answer up there. Where the hell did that come from? That, my friend, is what happens when I'm left to my own devices. I mean, what does that even mean, up there? Excuse me, I need a lie-down.


Where do you get your best ideas?

Angie - From my smokin' ta-tas. Genius idea generators, they are.


Daft Questions:


What’s your favourite smell?

Angie - A cross between a veterinary clinic and an ink-jet cartridge. With strawberry undertones and a nice mocha finish.


How's my hair?

Angie - Fahbulous, dahlink. But it could use more stripes.


Who would win in a fight between a giraffe with an uzi, and a llama with three legs and a super soaker full of Pan-galactic Gargle Blaster? Show your workings.

Angie - 42. Because that's the number of rounds in the Gatling gun owned by the maniacal bunny hell-bent on dusting both these fools, yo.


Which would you rather have - an apple shaped like a banana, or 57 oranges carefully arranged in a pyramid?

Angie - The humpback whale, by a nose. But he cheated.


Pick a number from one to fifty.

Angie - 3.14159. Dutch-apple. With ice cream.

___

Like I said, I thought I'd start with a nut.

Hmm? Oh, zebra. Not nut. My bad.


TTFN,

Adam

33 comments:

Wayne K said...

I have nothing to add

Zebra Rag said...

*preens* I knew I'd be famous someday.

*waits for adoring fans*

Zebra Rag said...

Wayne: Who said anything about adding? This isn't a math class. :-P

Zebra Rag said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wayne K said...

42

Adam said...

*Waves*

Adam

Darian said...

I must now meet this woman. The nonsense we could babble together would be mind breaking.

Adam said...

Such a meeting could be cataclysmic or awesome. I'm willing to take the risk.


Adam

Zebra Rag said...

*waves at Darian*

Darian said...

Even with my ill-advised bathroom habits?!?!

Zebra Rag said...

Darian: Ill-advised bathroom habits? Ohhh...you're one of those leave-the-toilet-seat-up guys, aren't you? Tragic.

Darian said...

Ha ha, Slade, I told you you would rue the day! Now rue it!!! :p

Darian said...

No, I'm one of those "Sometimes forgets to take pants off" guys. :(

Adam said...

*Popcorn*

Adam

Darian said...

el-oh-el, Slade.

Zebra Rag said...

You're supposed to take them off? *makes notes*

Darian said...

"Polite society" dictates that you should. Personally, I refuse to be a tool of "the man". Therefore, I often walk around with diaper rash and a strange sense of accomplishment.

Zebra Rag said...

Pff. I haven't been welcome in "polite society" since The Incident. In my defense, though, it was only a weed whacker, not a REAL weapon, and that old lady at the church totally had it coming. Plus, she looked way better with the cool blue mohawk. Some people have no sense of style at all.

Haggis said...

But...but zebra's can't talk.

Darian said...

I could see that. I am not allowed in churches. You give surprise prostate exams to the elderly ONCE and all of a sudden YOU'RE in the wrong. Let me tell you, if putting 2-3 fingers up an unsuspecting geriatric is wrong but maybe you find a polyp or two, well, I don't want to be right!

Zebra Rag said...

Haggis: Neither can chihueys or odd Scottish dishes, but yet here you are.

Darian: Totally! You were doing a public SERVICE, for cryin' out loud! It's like these people have never heard that it takes a village. Or--wait, is that for forming an angry mob and burning down Dr. Frankenstein's mansion? Sometimes I get my idioms confused with my axioms. It's a condition. I have medication.

Darian said...

The ubiquitous "they" took my meds before. Probably because I kept trying to take them through my urethra.

In my defense, it did NOT say ANYWHERE on the bottle not to do so.

Lisa Dovichi said...

Awesome interview. Dork.

Zebra Rag said...

Lisa: Well, of course it's awesome, it's all about me. Dork.

Darian: "They" are jerks. Always have been. Buncha knowitalls, too.

Darian said...

They have been out to get me for years.

*eyes own nipple*

*shouts at nipple*

I KNOW YOU HEAR ME!!!

Haggis said...

Who are you calling an idiom, zebra?

Zebra Rag said...

Pup: Adam knows. Axiom.

bettielee said...

I'm horrified and disgusted by the filth and inaccuracies you sling in this interview. A zebralama is not a llama nor a zebra, but a disgrace to God's animal world. Repent ye sinners, while you still can!!

Darian said...

This whole thing reeks of a Vatican plot! Where's Dan Brown when you need him?!?!?!?

shadowferret said...

Should have titled this: Everything you ever wanted to know about a zebra but were too afraid to ask. :D

Good job, Adam.

Zebra Rag said...

Bettie- Nobody asked you, fairy girl. And for your information, zebras and llamas are just as entitled as everyone else to sweet, sweet lovin'.

*waves at the ferret*

June Kramin said...

You. Are. Freaks.
*sniff*
I'm so proud to know you.

beyondtourism said...

Awesome interview